While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
