i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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