omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
