good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
