Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
