Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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