I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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