did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
