The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
