i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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