Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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