You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
