Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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