my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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