Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
