i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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