Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i black out too much to be "responsible"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
