Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
