is your mom at the bar?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
