FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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