Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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