Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
