I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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