does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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