Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
