Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
