Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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