Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
