I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if only i could text you this smell
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
