Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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