I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
