haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
