I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
