I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
