MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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