8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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