I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
