i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
