i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
