College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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