When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dick very happy bro
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
