Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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