Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
