dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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