the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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