Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
