My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
