But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
being pregnant is like rehab
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
