A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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