I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
